Polka Dots

Listen To Your Inner Child

I know you get to posts this morning :) Wowie!!!

This is something I came across in my quick blog browse this morning that got me thinking. I decided I would pass it along to you. This comes from Una S. Ryan, CEO, Waltham Techonologies. Some career and general life advice from days when you might have cared a little less:

•  From my 3 year old self:  When you’re frustrated, sometimes it feels really good to cry, scream, pound your fists and kick the ground.
• From my 5 year old self:  There’s nothing wrong with wanting to be president one day and a princess the next.
• From my 6 year old self:  Just because you’re a girl doesn’t mean that you have any natural talent for ballet.
• From my 7 year old self:  Sometimes you have to take on the playground bully even if it means getting knocked out by the first punch.
• From my 10 year old self:  Nothing is better than winning the big game; but a chocolate ice cream cone certainly helps you get over the losses much quicker.
• From my 12 year old self:  When the girls are mean to you, go play with the boys.
• From my 14 year old self:  All it takes to end a sports career is one badly broken leg; so you better have a backup plan.
• From my 17 year old self:  When a prom queen contender says to the committee that they need to make prom extra special because it’s going to be the best night of her life, try to refrain from saying “Wow …  your life is really going to suck.”

Adjusting...Good Adjusting

I could not be more thrilled to have Dave home. There are moments that are almost impossible to explain when we are just sitting on the couch looking at each other. It feels amazing to have him by my side in whatever we are doing. He is adjusting very well to be being home. However, I way underestimated the adjustments I would be making. I wanted to make it seem like he never left so in the first week he was home I made every attempt to be totally normal! It really did feel all pretty normal in that first week...well as normal as possible sleeping with a person everyday you haven't really seen in 15 months.

In the grand scheme of things these are all very small adjustments to make. None of these are complaints...just adjustments...and I am so glad to have a reason to make them! :-)

WORK: For the past 15 months I have worked pretty much around the clock. I poured myself into my job. As some might say at work there is always more to be done...I took full advantage (?) of that. I am tired and ready to get some more balance. I need to get rid of the extra 25-30 hours a week I was working. I somehow thought it would magically go away :) Well it didn't! Now I am fighting with my outlook calendar to drag and drop these blocks of time into the far off future because they just don't fit!

LAUNDRY: There's is a lot more! AND I LOVE DOING IT :) Yes really.

FOOD & DRINK: After I moved out of NYC, I really I only drank a few glasses of wine maybe once a month and my daily meals were pretty much focused on cliff bars, a simple sandwich from a local deli & maybe a small bowl of pasta or a a quick soup for dinner. Now our social life is full of parties & rich food. One of us is cooking a big dinner every night. With all this I quickly developed heartburn!!! How romantic?!?!?! Not Honey, I'm sorry I have a headache, but rather Honey, I'm sorry I have heartburn. ewwww!

TRAVEL: I used to just pick up and go anywhere at the drop of a hat. I have spent tons of hours in cars and planes in the last 15 months. Dave has a pretty strong desire to just stay close to home. I honestly think it comes from him just seeing me soooo tired from all the travel that it has conditioned him to not want us to do much of it. HOWEVER, we are headed for a great weekend in Washington, DC this weekend. My history buff husband has never been there. I am putting together a great tour and to cap off the weekend we are going to the Redskins/Cowboys game. The slowed travel pace sounds great! I am looking forward to weekends cuddled up on the couch watching movies & football with the snow outside.

GETTING OUT OF BED: I think I mentioned the AWESOME sheets we bought. Well these combine with my total hot huband have been making it extremely hard to get out of bed when the alarm goes off...a few snoozes later I finally crawl out of bed and head for the shower.

MISSING FAMILY: Dave and I both have very strong relationships with our families...who happen to reside all the way on the other side of the country. I have had the luxury of being able to pop home to Tomales as I wanted over the past few months. This felt so nice! While Dave and I are so delighted to have this time to spend together we can't wait to be able to have easy access to our families. I know we will not take this for granted...at least not in the begining!

POST OFFICE WITHDRAWLS: I am having small random twitches during the day now that I am no longer visiting a post office to send a large box to Iraq. Not to worry (ugg)...I will get back to a Post Office routine as our good friend Marc is getting ready to head to Afghanistan next month. We are already making a list of all the good stuff that we need to get in the boxes :)

Thanks for reading the random late night babbles...

Work/Life Balance Not Going Well

Dave is being so supportive and it is tearing me apart to do this to our relationship. He doesn't deserve it nor do it.

It is only week 1 and I have already broken the Dave & Christine work rules :( I worked past 6pm a couple of nights and I was supposed to be off on Friday, but rather I am traveling to the city.

I can't keep doing this! My husband has been gone for over a year and I can't seem to find the time to hang out with him for dinner.

What to do?
I think Christine gets tough today.

Things That Bring Peace

I get into these phases when I have so much on my mind that when I wake up in the morning it doesn't feel like I slept because my brain was toiling with a problem or issue all night. I get in the shower and end up washing my hair twice because I am totally distracted. We will get back to the house after walking around the block and I can't remember if Bermuda went to the bathroom or not. Sometimes in the middle of a sentence my thoughts will shift completely and all of the sudden I can't remember what I am talking about. I can only take so many days-weeks-months of this... 

When there is a lot going on in my head the only way to stop it, is to do something that really distracts me. Watching TV usually does the trick on week nights but I can only do so much of that.

Visitors are a great tactic!!! This past weekend we had some of our wonderful friends from upstate come to visit us. It was two couples and a friend whose husband is also deployed. Hanging out with them was wonderful. The guys remind me of Dave in the way they talk and joke. It was like having a little bit of him here with us. Bermuda had so much fun playing with them. We went to two New York classics on Saturday night.

    

Then they left on Sunday and the stuff in my mind all came back almost immediately. I decided I would make a good effort NOT to let it get to me so I decided to take a little shopping trip and bake Dave some cupcakes. Here is the result of a head clearing afternoon.

Sweater, New Notebook and a Tahitian vanilla candle from Urban Outfitters

Chocolate Peanut Butter Cupcakes for my Hubby!!!

 

Tour of Our New Pad

I wasn't sure if I would post this or not but I think it is fun. Don't listen to my narration (ok now I know you will). Check our out tiny tiny apt by CA standards in the city that we love. We enjoy the outside space and fit in it just perfectly together. It is sort of temporary but I like that it doesn't have to be full of my stuff.

Picking A Lifestyle

What a beautiful Sunday I just had. I wish I would have forced myself to have more of these before Dave left...I didn't work yesterday and I didn't have plans or a list of 100 things to do!

Most of the men and women I work around who are the most successful in their careers work long hours and sacrifice a lot in their personal lives. Most of these people I really admire and respect as colleagues, but I am not sure yet if I aspire to be them. I have begun to have more "work-life" balance in my life over the past 6 months, but I must say that it made me realize that to be completely dedicated to my career I probably need a "wife".

Even when I have reduced my work hours there was a bunch of personal stuff I have ignored for the past 4 years that sucked up the rest of the time real quick. Things like sending birthday cards, going to the Dr/Dentist, doing my own laundry, cleaning my house, visiting family and friends, grocery shopping, cooking dinner...I really love doing all these things but jeese most of my Sundays in the past 6 months were spent split between some work and all that other stuff...

Looking back I wish I would have forced more of my Sunday to do's into the week so that I could have had more days like today with Dave!!!

Back to those really successful people that I am around everyday...Most of them don't really think about laundry very often, nor do they wonder about who is going to walk their dog, or pick up their dry cleaning. Most of them pay to have their house cleaned and a have a nanny for their children. Some of their spouses stay home and they STILL pay to have their house cleaned, etc. I can't even imagine what it is like to do this with children on top of the work hecticness.

In essence these people end up paying for all the stuff they don't have time for because work takes up most of their life. At least this leaves the little bit of the time they do have to spend with their families...

THE COST OF BEING A WORKAHOLIC:

This is not meant to criticize people who work hard to be successful but I am really trying to get a grasp on it for myself. I will apologize in advance for the analytical argument that will follow but this workaholic lifestyle choice just doesn't pencil for me...

Let's take paying the "dog walker"...

• $20/day for a 30 min walk (never mind if you are really a workaholic and the dog-walker has to come twice for 40 buckaroos),
• 20 days a month (we wont mention those peop's who even pay a dog walker for the weekends...),
• 12 months a year...
• Grand total of $4,800, when you adjust for the wonderful Manhattan tax rate you have to earn an additional $7,000 a year to pay for the dog walker...
• Every year your workaholic habits keeping you at the office soooo long that you can't get home to let your dog out must get your an incremental $7,000.
• You can do the math to add in the annual rate of House Cleaner + Laundry + Eating Out + Nanny.
• Seems like if you could work a 40 hour week and take a salary $30,000 less than your work-a-holic peers and you would break even. I guess it depends on how much you hate laundry.

DECIDING ON A WAY OF LIFE:

I know the math above seems like I have made an obvious choice, but that definitely isn't the case. I still struggle to limit work's role in my life everyday. As Dave deployed I know he expected I would slip back into my old habits overnight. He called after being gone for two days (most of which I had spent in tears) and he expected I would have been working all weekend.

Moving back to the city has put many of these people's lifestyle right in front of me. They are not even people I know, I just see and assume the stereotype. Shame on me! The thing I am only just beginning to understand is that it is a choice. I do not criticize people for any of their choices but I think I know the direction mine are headed in.

Reading this interview with one of the most powerful women in finance, I felt a little sick to my stomach thinking about bribing my kids into accepting my travel schedule, but she makes it clear that it is her choice. I know that I could easily be swept into working longer and longer hours for another promotion, but I don't think I want what comes with that. I feel bad enough about leaving the dog for 8 hours during the day.

IRONY:

In the end I really appreciate that I even get the opportunity to be a workaholic...I know that sounds sick, but I really do. The other population I am surrounded by in they city are the actors and actresses trying to get the right opportunity. They audition day after day just to get the opportunity to work long hours.

I have realized that it really just comes down to the choices I make and being confident and comfortable that they are right for me. It doesn't matter how anyone else judges success or achievement.

Cheers to Choices!